10 Rules to Keep Your Man Card
In the short time I’ve been a strength coach I’ve learned a number of lessons from mentors and co-workers.; one of those lessons being how to lose your “man card”. It’s important for us to understand that our man card is not a right, but a privilege. And trust me, if you’re not careful yours will get snatched away! Hence the reason for writing this post; follow these simple rules and I promise your man card won’t be going anywhere. Rule 1: Do not wear your clothes so tight that your girlfriend mistakes them for hers. Guys, there’s no excuse for this, either buy some bigger clothes or get bigger yourself.
Rule 2: Do not comment on how vascular another man is/don’t talk about how vascular you are. Is this something I really need to explain? Just don’t do it, it’s weird.
Rule 3: If your 140lbs soaking wet do not talk about wanting to gain mass and then complain about not wanting to lose your “six-pack”. MAN UP! Start pounding whole milk and peanut butter and start MOVING WEIGHT!
Rule 4: Do not lip sync to your awful music in the mirror at the gym in between sets with an angry look on your face. When I was in college I saw this entirely too often. Let’s keep that nonsense to yourself guy in the tiny Affliction t-shirt and Euro Puma shoes.
Rule 5: Bringing this back to the beginning, do not wear skinny jeans so tight that your girlfriend asks if she can borrow them. Much to my dismay, I feel like this happens more than it ought to. As a matter of fact just don’t wear skinny jeans.
Rule 6: Do not begin every sentence with the word “Bro”. Usually the sentence that follows goes something like; “Bro, can I get a spot on these Preacher Curls?”
Rule 7: Do not lift your shirt up to check out your abs in the mirror while at the gym. Put your shirt down and get back to your Smith Machine quarter squats.
Rule 8: Do not use a foam pad on the barbell when squatting or front squatting. Again, MAN UP! Get used to the bar, get some bigger shoulders, and get a bigger yoke!
Rule 9: Do not update your status on Facebook to “gettin’ swole at the gym”. Newsflash, no one cares that you’re at the gym. Unless your status is “attempting a 600lbs deadlift today” we don’t want to hear about your adventures on the elliptical machine.
Rule 10: Do not be the guy five years out of high school at the local gym telling everyone about the glory days and how “strong” you used to be. This is what I like to call the Uncle Rico syndrome. It’s over man, move on. And chances are you weren’t as strong as you thought you were.
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I know what you’re saying to yourself, “Ryan, you’ve never been guilty of any of these things?” And my answer would be nope, not a one. Come on, you seriously think I’d admit to any of these things? Anyway, be sure to follow these rules in order to keep doing those manly things we like to do such as, chopping wood, going on river boat gambling trips, making beef jerky, hunting bears with our bare hands, and wearing flannel.